DIY By The Great Authors

UK Newspapers have been on a roll when it comes to book-related humor (see) this time from The Independent — today, we have Do-It-Yourself manuals written in the style of great authors, such as Hunter Thompson's guide to building a small fence:

When he'd recovered the feeling in his legs we unloaded the materials onto the lawn. I drove a wooden peg into the ground at each end of the fence run and stretched a line between. I then marked the position of the fence posts, avoiding tree roots and landmines. I instructed my attorney to start digging and waited for the mescaline to kick in.

As the Samoan slammed his spade into the ground he stopped to look back over his shoulder. "There's someone watching us," he said.

"It'll be the neighbour," I said. "It's a small town."

"As your attorney, I advise you to kill her. Once she's seen where we bury this stuff, what's to stop her coming over to dig it up after dark?"

We also hear from Hemingway, Duras, Nin, and Dostoevsky, but all the good stuff is in the book Sartre's Sink, by Mark Crick, from whom these excerpts came.